Vogon Poetry

From The Hitchhiker's Guide To the Galaxy:

Vogon poetry is, of course, the third worst in the universe.

The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a recitation by their poet-master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode To A Small Lump Of Green Putty I Found In My Armpit One Midsummer Morning," four of his audience died of internal hemorrhaging; and the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived only by gnawing one of his own legs off.

Grunthos was reported to have been "disappointed" by the poem's reception.  He was about to embark on a reading of his 12-book epic entitled Zen and the Art of Going To the Lavatory when his own major intestine -- in a desperate attempt to save life itself -- leapt straight up through his neck and throttled his brain.

The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator, Paul Neil Milne Johnstone of Redbrige, England in the destruction of the planet Earth.

Vogon poetry is mild by comparison.

- Douglas Adams

"Douglas Unravel Your DNA Unravel Your Soul"

by Paul Neil Milne Johnstone

(Apparently a tribute by Johnstone to Adams on the occasion of Adams' death)

O Douglas -
Sweet Douglas -
Edulcorated Douglas -

Today we celebrate


As we remember


You were
Giant -
Both literary and

You got into Cambridge because
Of an essay that
significantly figured the
(There are
People who
Love you
For that)

Redefined a trilogy as
A five part
(There are
Even more
People who
Love you
For that)

And imagine -
If you hadn't been born
On that fateful Marchday
I wouldn't be as bally famous for my shit poetry that could make that homosexual Jewboy Stephen Fry choke on his fries as I am today