The Secret Server Service - or, Triple-S.
What does Triple-S do for you? Simple:
Triple-S provides secure servers, email, and storage for your illegal activities.
Your data (incriminating files, classified emails, bribery transactions, etc.) is available via a simple but secure Web interface. We use state-of-the art encryption techniques to secure your data: not even we can see it.
You and you alone control who sees your data.
Lots of vendors make that claim, but what makes Triple-S different?
In a word: trust.
William Stone Associates operates a state-of-the-art data center at an undisclosed location. Unlike Secretary Clinton's servers, your Triple-S data will not be at risk from everyday plumbing problems.
In the event that your illegal activities might be discovered, we irrevocably destroy your Triple-S data.
But at William Stone Associates, we go the extra mile. With Triple-S, even the hardware is destroyed in accordance with mil-spec standards. The few remaining parts are dispersed to random locations.
In short: there is no possibility that any legal authority will ever obtain your data.
Finally, William Stone Associates has an unblemished record of client confidentiality:
William Stone Associates leaves no identifying marks of any kind. We do not stand out in any way. Our entire image is crafted to leave no lasting memory with anyone we encounter.
We're a rumor, recognizable only as deja vu and dismissed just as quickly.
Anonymity is our watchword. Silence is our native tongue.
Other providers' services lack the security you need. Does this security come with a cost?
Triple-S is based on customer volume, not data value. We're sure you'll love Triple-S so much that you'll recommend it to every politician you know.
Because of this, we can bring Triple-S to you for the incredibly low monthly rate of $999.99!
If you're not satisfied with Triple-S, you may cancel at any time: your data and hardware are destroyed at the time of cancellation.
With William Stone Associates' Triple-S, you are safe to acquire and maintain as much personal power as possible. There is no risk that an electronic trail might cause your downfall.
Triple-S! Sign up today!